I heard we made out
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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