i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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