Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
