How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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