.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
