i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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