This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
