you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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