Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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