I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
