I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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