I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
