I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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