okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
