finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
