Got a toothbrush?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
