Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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