see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
