i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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