I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
