Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
