The maid of honor just puked.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
