Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
