; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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