you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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