Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
