the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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