you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
