I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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