My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
