Betty ford says i'm here all night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
