How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
