your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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