Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
whose parrot is this?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
