So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
