He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
high people should be assigned attendants
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
