Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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