If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
