Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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