I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
