boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
