you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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