Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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