From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
