She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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