worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
