OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
