u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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