Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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