sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
